Overcoming Insecurity: 10 Ways to Improve Confidence

(Last Updated On: November 6, 2019)

There are so many books, courses, CD’S, programs on how to improve your confidence. But which form of communication will work best for the millions of people who feel insecure and our searching for the perfect confidence building device. If they find the perfect confidence building method–or they think they have found it–how do they know it will really work.

The method must make sense and have a proven track record of improving people’s confidence. You cannot increase your confidence by putting your confidence in a thought, material goods, or your looks. To truly have lasting confidence you must have your inner self changed and you must change your perception of yourself and this begins by changing your thinking. Read more about this on https://myvivaa.com/

Let’s say you have been barraged since childhood with abusive thoughts self-destructing thinking patterns and your parents have always torn you down instead of building you up. How do you change those deeply ingrained sets of perceptions that have taken root in you and formed who you are today?

Let us not fool ourselves because we can experience self-destructive behaviors without being told we are worthless, no good or that we will never amount to anything. We can experience a lack of confidence by failing a test or being rejected by someone. There are a million ways that a person can develop a low-self-image. The key is reversing that negative thinking sand replacing the negative treadmill thoughts with new positive thoughts.

1. You Are Not Your Judge and Neither is the Next Guy

You are struggling with insecurities and you are beating yourself up as well. You are judging every word, thought, action you do. “This was stupid”, “that was a dumb thing to do” , “that was the stupidest thing I could have said”. Do these thoughts sound familiar? Typically if a person is thinking these negative thoughts they are judging themselves. They are also emotionally beating themselves up. You should not judge yourself so harshly. Take a healthy inventory of your thought life, what is coming out of your mouth. You may even want to inventory your thought life and change the negative thoughts that are making you feel insecure.

Don’t judge yourself because you will just end up feeling worse and 10 times more insecure than when you started judging yourself. One way to overcome insecurity and to stop the negative barrage of thoughts is to stop judging yourself. This will be a big step to overcoming insecurity and building up self-confidence.

Also, don’t let your neighbor judge you either. Maybe he may have some valid and valuable self-correction for you but he has no right to judge you as a human being. He cannot say to you that you’re a worthless person or that some part of you looks ugly or nasty because he is not your judge. You do not have to listen to their negative barrage because if you do you will set yourself deeper into insecurity. You can either walk away from the conversation or tell the person you will not listen to the criticisms they are hurling at you. You are too valuable to be spoken to like that. These are some moves you can make to improve your self-confidence and remove insecurity from your life.

2. Be Your Best Friend

Be Your Best Friend

Picture yourself as your own best friend talking to yourself. You are about to go to a job interview for your dream job. You want this job and you are qualified to get this job. But you begin to think to yourself that you do not deserve the job or you do not qualify for the job. You don’t stand a chance of even being considered for the job. You are the least qualified to get the job.

Do you see what is happening here? You are talking yourself out of the job before you even go to the interview. Your lack of confidence will shine through during the interview. You can be sure you will not get the job because you are projecting a lack of self-confidence. But if you talk to yourself.

Tell yourself you deserve the job and you are more than qualified for the position. You will get the job and you will start working the dream job you have always wanted. Think positive and you will exude confidence in the job interview that will greatly increase your chances of landing that job. Think about it your best friend would tell you the exact same thing you are telling yourself. Be your best friend and support your efforts.

A friend would encourage you and tell you you will do fine in the job interview and that you have the skills to perform the job. You have so much going for you you will get the job hands down. A best friend will tell you uplifting things like this.

3. One Step at a Time

Don’t focus on a lifetime of insecurity or that it took you years to develop the insecurities you have. Don’t focus on that it will take you years to become a confident person. Do not look at the whole journey or where you have to go to get to where you want to be. Take one step at a time and measure your positive progress one step at a time. Take one step at a time not 10 leaps at a time. One step at a time will take enough energy and concentration to accomplish. Now, with that said focus on one step at a time. Take one step at a time. Do you feel socially awkward or do you feel like a social outcast? If you are at a party or some other social gathering and you are surrounded by people… You start to feel nauseous, sweaty, butterflies in your stomach. Does fear seem to be crawling up your legs and choking the breath out of you?

Well, remember no one in that room is better than you and you have just as much right to be at the party as they do. Didn’t the host invite you to the party just like everyone else? This should tell you that the host thought and liked you enough to invite to your party. You take small steps then you progress to bigger steps then you start running.

One small step would be to go to a party and sit in a room full of people. Then at the next party talk to one person and slowly build your confidence and you will grow out of your insecurity. You take small steps to succeed at those small steps then you gain the confidence to take bigger more aggressive steps.

4. Eliminate the Negative Influences

You want to surround yourself with people who will build you up and help you to focus on your strengths. If you find yourself in the company of people who are constantly putting you down and making you feel depressed then get rid of them. You do not need those types of “friends” around you.

Just stop spending time with them and you will not be torn down or feeling depressed after they have cut you down to size just get rid of them. These steps will help you gain confidence and lose your insecurity. You need to be around people who will build you up and help you gain confidence.

5. Watch out Because Your Body Language Speaks Loud

Be careful how you display your body language to others in public and private settings. What you speak with body language will tell others if you are confident or insecure. For instance, you are sitting at a house in a meeting or some other gathering and your legs and arms are crossed what message does this send? It says you are an unfriendly person who is insecure and you do not want to be there. Even if you do not think that way it will send those messages.

Or if you are scrunched up sitting in a chair or scrunched up leaning against a wall you are sending the message that you want to be invisible and you don’t want anyone to talk to you or see you. You are very insecure and you do not think much about yourself. Send a positive message by changing your body language to those around you. Instead, stand up straight against the wall with your hands and arms down and try to smile. This sends a warm message to others that you are a confident and secure person who has a healthy self-image.

Back to the setting in the house and you are sitting in a chair. Change your body language and send a positive message to those around you. Unfold your arms and legs and sit in an open position to let people know you are friendly and confident about yourself. It will change how you feel about yourself and how other people will react to you.

6. Suggestions from Experts

One expert suggests that you try what is known as tapping. “Emotional freedom technique, also known as tapping, is a powerful tool for busting through insecurity, says Gala Darling, self-love advocate and author of Radical Radiance.” Tapping is a combination of the ancient art of acupuncture and positive psychology helps to change negative thinking. This by touching certain pressure points on the body is supposed to wash away negative thinking. Whether this really works or not remains to be seen.

7. Feel Good About Your Healing

Be aware of your victories over your insecurities even make a diary and record the circumstances and date of when you overcame insecurity. You speak the truth to a spouse, or asset yourself with your boss at work. You go to a party and you step out of yourself and talk to people around you. You finally ask that girl out for a date and she says yes.

Recording and celebrating overcoming insecurities will boost your confidence quickly. You taste one victory and you will be hungry for more victories over insecurities. You will feel so much better about yourself when you take one step and overcome insecurity. No matter how small the insecurity is you overcome it will help to boost your confidence. The healing will begin and your self-image will begin to improve. You should never underestimate even the smallest of victories. A bunch of little battles won will eventually measure up to the war being won.

8. This Is Me

What this means is to feel good about yourself and your strengths and positive accomplishments. Maybe you won some awards when you were younger for art, sports or woodworking. If you won awards or accolades for a skill you learned or a natural talent then you should feel good about those skills or natural talents.

Make a list of the awards or accolades paid to you in the past. Record compliments people have given you and accept them as truth because those people meant them as truth. Think about those positive remarks and keep them at the forefront of your thinking.

If you meditate on these positive experiences and confess them out loud to yourself after a while you will believe what you are saying and your self-confidence will improve in leaps and bounds. You must realize that you are the only one who can eliminate your insecurities and change your thinking about yourself.

If you have a positive self-image other people will want to be around you and they will want to know how you became so confident in yourself. They will want to have that same confidence especially when you used to swim in insecurities. You begin to teach other people how to be confident and it works for them. What will it do for your confidence?

9. Change the Record

It was once said, “While don’t you change the record and turn it over.” You have listened to the record and played it over and over for years the destructive sayings, comments and thoughts that you thought about yourself. The inner negative voice maybe you talking to yourself or it could be the negative voices of others from your past or your parents speaking to you.

Stop the record take it off the record player–your mind–and put on a new record to change your thinking. Play new music within yourself by listening to positive thoughts about yourself. Let this new record dominate your thinking and eventually, it will change your self-image and it will build your confidence. Part of your changing will be that you will have to start associating with positive people.

This may mean you have to remove yourself from your current friends and it may be that you have to stop being around negative family members. These are very painful decisions you will have to make but it is ultimately your health at stake. If you have positive family relationships and friendships then you are already ahead of the game.

Pay attention to what these positive people say and how they think. Emulate their habits and you will erase your insecurities and develop a positive self-image. Your depression cycles will become more infrequent. You will have a positive impact on yourself and those around you.

It is said that it takes about 6 weeks to form new habits. So, give yourself some time and your thinking patterns will change. You will become positive and confident without having to think about it anymore.

10. Talk to a Professional

Talk to a Professional

If the insecurities are wrecking your life and ruining your existence then you should seek professional mental health help. Your insecurities may so deep that you need an outside observer to help you walk through the insecurities so you can overcome them. You may have to go to many sessions or maybe one session. It really depends on how skilled your therapist is and how willing you are to work through the insecurities.

You need a therapist to help you explore and analyze those debilitating fears. It can be a very liberating experience that will transform your very life. confidence and communications expert Karol Ward had this to say “I’ve seen people really transform their lives once they understand where it comes from and how it’s affected them,” she says. “It’s really about changing that mindset from the inside out.”

This tenth step is for those you are deeply bothered by insecurities that they paralyze that person to the point that they cannot function normally. It is also at the point that the person cannot work through these insecurities on their own.


If you have a real battle with insecurities then we have discussed some steps that could help you to overcome these insecurities and improve your self-image. These steps will build your confidence and improve your mental health. It depends on what degree you are bothered by the insecurities. You are the only one that can really help yourself even if that means you need to seek out professional help from a psychologist or psychiatrist.

Choose the step or steps that you feel comfortable implementing and start practicing those steps. They can improve your life if you let them.

Written by Irina Radosevic MD
Irina graduated from the University of Belgrade, School of Medicine as a Doctor of Medicine (MD) and spent over 3 years working in the Clinical Hospital Center Zvezdara, in the Department of Emergency Medicine. She also undertook a postgraduate in Cardiology from the same University and had previously worked for over a year as a Physician and Nutritionist Dietitian for the Fitness club Green Zone. She eventually left her chaotic but fulfilling job in the ER to pursue her passion of writing, travelling and mountain climbing which has included writing a first aid course for the alpine club of Belgrade. Irina currently works as a VA for PintMedia focusing on medical and travel writing. Feel free to connect with Irina on LinkedIn and FaceBook. Her CV can be seen here.